


Everything's Changed

by TerryMcKay



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-09 10:48:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14714615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerryMcKay/pseuds/TerryMcKay
Summary: It's Jac's first day back at work and immediately she's confronted with Fletch and the new CEO Abigail Tate.





	1. First Day Back

**Author's Note:**

> I am not really a fanfiction writer, I am good at academic texts but the lack of Flac fanfic has forced me to write one of my headcanons down. Don't expect greatness, I hope it´s not too terrible. I did try my best.

It was her first day back. She was nervous whilst she was approaching the building. It was ridiculous, really. She has been working at this place for God knows how long now and never before had she been nervous about going back to work after a break or a holiday. Not a single time. But today was different. She did try to blame the four cups of coffee she had managed to drink in the span of two hours, but she secretly knew that she was fooling herself. Her legs didn´t feel numb because of that or because she had been cutting off her blood supplies. The shaking of her hands might be due to an overdose of caffeine but that was not it either and she knew it. She entered the building and it only got worse Should she get another coffee before going up to Darwin? Just to calm her nerves and to have something in her hands that would prevent them from fidgeting too much? That would be cup number five and it was barely 8 am. Deciding against it and against taking the elevator this morning, just to draw out the moment of seeing him again.

The stairs would be a welcome exercise to get a bit of that adrenaline and nervous energy out of her system. She did know that this wouldn´t work but she wasn´t sure she was ready. She knew he was there, she had spotted his car the moment she had driven into the car park and she didn´t know what to feel about that. It had been almost three months since she´d seen him. A lot had changed at Holby. There was a new CEO, too. She wasn´t sure how she felt about that. Too much had changed the past few months, she had become wary of it. She also knew that Oliver Valentine had left, which she understood but regretted a bit nevertheless and Frieda had taken some time off. It was bound to be weird with not having familiar faces around. Stopping in front of the glass doors leading up to Darwin, she took a deep breath as if to brace herself and put on her emotionless face. Checking her pace and preventing her from walking too fast, she walked towards the nursing station. She heard him before she actually saw him and it didn´t help matters. She was nervous like a school girl with a crush. And that´s what it was. She liked him more than she wanted to admit. That hadn´t changed one bit during her break. On the contrary, it had intensified if that was possible. Standing at the nurses’ station he was talking to another nurse whilst donning a blue suit.

Before she could walk towards him or could make her legs move, she was greeted by a woman. She was blonde, very sure of herself, was smiling at her and was reaching out her hand to her. She introduced herself as Abigail Tate. So that was the new CEO - irritating enough for that she seemed to be. While Abigail kept on talking about how much she was looking forward to working with her and how much she had heard about her, she couldn´t help but let her gaze drawback to the man standing at the nurses’ station. He had noticed her now and was staring back at her. Abigail’s words to welcome her had turned into background noise, she was hardly noticing it. She could feel that he was just as unprepared to seeing her again as she was. All she wanted to do was to walk up to him, embrace him and apologize for leaving without a real goodbye to him. But she knew that this was impossible. She wouldn´t know how to do that. She noticed that the background noise had stopped and she felt someone staring at her, which broke her reverie. It was the new CEO looking at her questioningly. Had she missed a question? Quickly composing herself she looked at the CEO, whose face had changed from a welcoming smile to something she wasn´t sure she could put her finger on. It wasn´t the reaction she would expect from missing a question - or a whole conversation to be quite honest - there was more to it. Though Abigail was polite and repeated her question on whether she had managed to look at the accumulated files, Jac couldn´t shake the thought that the woman in front of her could turn frosty just as quickly as she could. She took another quick glance at Fletch before excusing herself - she wasn´t paid for standing around and talking to a boring blonde who apparently didn´t like being ignored. Or was that it? She couldn´t help but feel she had missed something in those few minutes she´d been back. Looking at Fletch and Abigail again before departing a gnawing feeling began to creep up inside of her. She knew that look Abigail had given her. It was a possessive look, a look of jealousy? Why would she be jealous - apart from not being the country’s best cardiothoracic surgeon? She began to trace back at what had just happened that she´d make her new CEO jealous: she arrived at work, greeted her, ignored her and looked at Fletch. She looked at Fletch. And that’s when it hit her. She was jealous because of Fletch. Thinking about it, Fletch wasn´t just unprepared like she was, he was awkward and seemed uncomfortable? He wasn´t his usual cheery self, the boyish charm wasn´t there. He was too serious. He was like the kid who got caught doing something he wasn´t supposed to and now he got caught. And that´s when her heart sank and she didn´t know if she was feeling hot or cold, angry or just sad and heartbroken.

He hadn´t waited for her. They never said they would wait for each other to be fair, but she didn’t want to be fair. Yes, her goodbye or lack thereof was to be desired but she had the feeling there had been something between them. There were a few moments where she could have sworn he wanted to kiss her. She had waited too long and now there was someone else. Her vision got blurry and she gathered speed to get to her office as fast as she could. Nobody could see her be that upset about something that never happened. She could hear Fletch call her name but she didn´t want to see anyone. She might say something she might regret later, so she stormed into her office, closed the door and let a tear fall.


	2. A Failed Strategy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at Holby, Jac has to try and work out how she will deal with Fletch and Abigail. Getting her own emotions and thoughts back under control is a whole different endeavour and easier said than done if you might meet the reason for it all at any second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the kind feedback. I honestly didn´t expect any at all. I am glad you all like it so far and I hope this one isn´t too bad either.

The next few days she spent mostly in her office - with the exception of strategically timed coffee breaks and an occasional trip to Pulses. It was more of a necessity than actual hiding since she had a mountain of paperwork to keep her company, which she had to get rid of. But she also wasn´t sure how to handle the new situation and she hated not having a plan or not knowing how things would progress. And until she wasn’t back to her usual status quo, she would avoid both Abigail and Fletch at all costs - even if it meant walking around Darwin like a spy or some kind of outlaw who was to be caught at any moment. Fletch had gotten the message as well apparently. He knocked at her door once but hadn´t pursued it any further when she had simply ignored it. Under normal circumstances, she would feel bad for ignoring him like that, but she was hurting, she was fuming and she couldn´t be bothered. Plus she needed the space to think and put everything back into perspective. At the moment it seemed to her that everything was upside down, her whole inner world order was out of sync and she desperately had to get it back. Only then she would feel confident enough to put her old Jac Naylor face on, turn her emotions off and kick Darwin back into place - that without being too hurtful.

And until that hadn´t happened, she stayed in her office keeping her files company. At least they didn´t ask any unwanted questions. But despite her gratitude of being left alone with her thoughts she still missed that loon of a DoN. She couldn´t help it. And that made her even angrier. She had let her usually so well guarded walls down, he had seen her in situations almost nobody had seen her before. He had been there for her at all times until she took her break, he always had her back. And he had seen her break down and hadn´t judged her for it or tried to tell her to pull herself together. He had just let her be and was there for her. Basically, he had seen her at her lowest and putting her walls back up was painful. But she had to do it if she didn´t want to be hurt any further. Putting all those shreds of herself up and putting them together again took time. She tried to push Fletch and unwanted images of him and Abigail out of her mind and continued working. She had been sitting at this desk for almost three hours now and she decided she needed a break. The images and unwanted thoughts continued popping into her head - or never leaving it in the first place, preventing her from working and being productive in any way. She had been staring at the same page for fifteen minutes now and she still hadn´t registered a single word of what it said.

She left the office to get her lunch. Maybe food and a change of location would help clear her head. The coast seemed clear as she went to the elevator until, yes, until she was in the elevator and a man decided to join her. Clearly out of breath from sprinting down the hallway in order to catch the same elevator he put his hands on his knees.

It was Fletch. He must have seen her come out of her office. Apparently he hadn´t gotten the message after all, which didn´t surprise her that much. He could be as stubborn as an old mule. “Can we talk please?”, he questioned with an almost pleading tone in his voice. She had feared that this would come. Why did people always want to talk? What good did it do? If she had the option she would only talk for work purposes and would talk to Emma but would ignore the rest of the world. But life wasn´t that kind. “I don’t know what´s there to talk about.” she bit out. Standing upright again, he looked at her “Please? Look, I understand you’re mad, but I don´t like how things are between us.” He was more insistent now. This time she looked at him, she was weaving with anger but managed to control herself nevertheless. Glaring at him icily whilst hoping the elevator would open soon to get her out of this trap. “Well, tough. I don’t want to talk. If you want to talk, go and bother someone else. Karma’s a bitch.” Saved by the bell or the elevator doors finally opening, she escaped, while hearing him call after her.

The only way to get rid of him now and to stop him from following her was to trap herself in a cubicle of the restroom and wait it out until he had gone. She didn’t want to face him. She didn´t want to look at him, least of all talk to him. Rational thinking told her that she couldn´t put it off forever. She could try though. She sat down on the toilet with her head between her legs to calm down and compose herself again. All the emotions that had been bubbling just beneath the surface threatened to come up, all at once. She let out a frustrated groan while punching the cubicle door. She definitely needed some outlet for all that anger. Boxing classes might be good if she had the time for it. After another few minutes, she left the restroom - cautiously, however, but she was lucky. He had gone, probably realizing it was no good now. Passing pulses, she slammed the elevator button harder than necessary. She wasn´t hungry anymore. Still, she had way too much energy to go back to her office. Entering the elevator she hit the button to get to the roof. She took out her phone, to send a message to Sacha asking if he could come up- knowing it might take a bit, which would allow her to calm down enough to actually talk in coherent sentences. She needed to talk to someone and he was the only one she could trust. He had always been. Thinking of Sacha alone calmed her down enough not to kick the elevator door whilst she was on her way up.


	3. Words of Wisdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sacha always knows what to say to Jac. She hopes this will be the case this time too, because she is at her wit's end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bit of a writer's block because I had no idea how to write for Sacha. Now, I hope this isn´t too ooc, I tried to get him and their friendship as correct as I possibly could.

Being up here on the roof always had a calming effect on her. The silence, the sky, the view, everything kind of put things into perspective - usually, at least. At the moment, she just couldn´t find the inner peace you usually found up here. She felt like a tiger caught in a cage. She wanted to rage, to scream and put all that energy she had into motion. She started pacing in order to be a bit calmer when Sacha came. Turned out that she did have to wait for him as she thought. As she grew tired of waiting, she felt her phone vibrate.

“Will be there in 10.” Great. She paced some more until she finally got bored of walking around aimlessly and sat down. Her mind was still racing. Everything that had or hadn´t happened, the conversation in the elevator, all the scenarios she imagined floated in her head. Her urge to yell hadn’t really disappeared but the thought of yelling like Sacha always suggested when you needed to get something off your chest was ridiculous and she wouldn´t do it. What was the purpose of yelling if you couldn´t yell at someone? What good would it do? While pondering over this question, she heard the door open and close again. She turned around to look at him and that must have given it away. Sacha came up to her, made her stand up and gave her one of his big hugs. His warmth and his arms around her felt good, comforting and she needed it. She would never admit that but those hugs sometimes stopped her from going completely insane.

He let go of her, looked at her and smiled a sympathetic smile “What happened? We haven´t had one of our roof dates in forever. So it must be serious.” She looked at him, thinking how to say it. She wanted to say it but how would she start, what should she say? “Nothing. I just wanted to see you.” She ended up replying, slapping herself internally. She knew he wouldn´t buy it but how could she disclose to him all of what had or hadn´t happened between her and Fletch, that she cared more about him that she wanted to admit it, that she was hurt about something that shouldn´t be an issue and that she just felt unwanted and out of place. How could you say that? “Liar. I know something´s troubling you. You called me up here, so it must be urgent. It´s not work, is it?” “No, don´t be ridiculous. I have been here for merely three days and I have seen as much of the hospital as my way to the office and back to car park.“ “Okay, if it isn´t work, it must be Fletch.” “How did you- ?” “Oh come on, it doesn’t take a fool to see what you two are feeling for each other. Fletch bought a cactus that reminded him of you because he missed you. We share custody. It´s in my office at the moment.” Now, she looked at him incredulously “What?” and that was all she could say.

Why would he buy a cactus of all things? “So, it is Fletch.” She nodded, she looked defeated and began to tell Sacha about Fletch and Abigail and about her last conversation with Fletch (she left out the part of the forehead kiss though) and about her goodbye or lack thereof. It felt good to have the words out and have someone listen to her, even if she only told him part of the whole story. The more she talked about Fletch, the more agitated she grew and Sacha clearly saw her distress. When she had finished, he looked at her sympathetically and then said: “You know, what Bruce Lee once said?” The look on her face indicated that she would come up with some kind of sarcastic comment, but she closed her mouth again when he held up his hand to indicate her to be quiet, ”‘ _Absorb what is useful, discard what is useless and add what is specifically your own_.’” “Is that supposed to be some kind of a riddle? Sacha, I don´t have time for that.” Ignoring her he continued “Just think of it. What´s useful that you know you and Fletch have in common? You know he likes you, I know he likes you. You like him more than a little if you get this angry and we are sitting up here. Now, think about what´s useless. Your anger. Anger has never helped anyone. Focus instead. And the last one is you. Fletch likes  YOU and he knows YOU. Just be yourself around him and talk to him. Let him explain and then you can still decide what you want to do.” During all this time she stayed quiet.

Her anger had disappeared and was replaced by something that resembled an insight into the situation from a new perspective. Maybe he wasn´t all wrong? But she didn´t want to see Fletch today. She needed time. Time to think and to come up with a plan. Sacha gave her an idea and now she needed to hone that idea. At that moment Sacha´s beeper went off. He got called away. He kissed Jac on her forehead, gave her a little squeeze. “I gotta go. You’ll do the right thing. Just think about Bruce Lee.” She grimaced at him and thanked him. Smiling at her, he left. She definitely had something to think about now. Also, Fletch had bought a cactus that reminded him of her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> source for the Bruce Lee quote:  
> https://www.goalcast.com/2017/07/20/top-20-inspiring-bruce-lee-quotes/


	4. Hijacked at the Creche

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fletch apparently reconsidered his decision to leave her her space and is waiting for her at the creche, when Jac wants to drop off Emma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got motivated and inspired by the spoilers for next week and by the beautiful new pictures of Jac. I hope you enjoy it. And thanks for all your lovely and helpful feedback!

That night she almost didn’t sleep at all. She kept on replaying the moment in her head when Fletch came into the elevator and she imagined different kinds of scenarios that could have turned out. A lot of those scenarios, even the one she dreamed about ended up with her being too harsh and him walking away. Waking up the next morning not feeling rested at all, but more as if she´d pulled an all-nighter she dragged her numb limbs out of bed, got Emma ready to go to the crèche, decided to eat at least a bit for breakfast before heading to work. She hoped that would help her with her mood and her state.

Emma was babbling along happily and told her what she wanted to do and that she and Theo had managed to find a secret spot in the crèche, nobody had discovered before. At the mention of Theo Jac snapped out of her reverie and groaned internally. She knew Fletch had the same shift as she did and she could only hope that he was either earlier or later than she was. Knowing her luck, however, she prepared for the worst. Arriving at the crèche, Emma gave her a quick peck on the cheek and ran off. She had spotted Theo. “Bye baby, see you later!” Jac called after her and Emma waved. She stood there for another minute watching Emma and Theo greet and run into the garden. She missed having more time with her daughter, but as much as she had enjoyed the time off, she knew how important routine and friends were for Emma. And for herself too. Getting a normal routine into her life again gave her purpose and a sense of accomplishment. Even if things weren´t the way they used to.

Turning around to head to work, she saw Fletch with his back to her - waiting apparently, Considering for a split second on using a different route to work that would take twice as long, she decided against it and decided to take the bull by its horns and walked towards him. He must have heard her since he turned around with two coffees-to-go in his hands. He held out one of them, looking aggrieved? Frustrated? Sorry? She couldn´t tell and she could always tell. Were they that out of sync already that she couldn´t read him anymore?

She took the coffee, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “I thought I´d meet you here,” he said as she took a sip. “Great work Sherlock. What do you want?” She didn´t quite manage to keep her voice neutral. Instead, her answer was harsher than she had intended and she winced internally. “Talk. I figured neutral territory might work best for this,” he answered, keeping his walls up just as much as she did. He really wouldn´t let her in, she mused. “And I told you, I don´t. So this is a waste of your time. Besides, I have a meeting with your _girlfriend_.” Now she really couldn´t keep her sarcasm out of it. “For one, she is not my girlfriend and  I want to talk. I wanted to give you your space and the time that you need. But you know what? I don´t want to do that. Because for once there is absolutely nothing I´ve done wrong. Abigail is not my girlfriend and when I started seeing her casually, you were on a break. You just left without any goodbye or any hint that you would want more. So, it´s not like we were in a relationship or had started anything when Abigail and I hooked up. So, I suggest you get over that notion that I am betraying you in some kind of way and come back to reality.”

For a moment she didn´t know what to say, she opened and closed her mouth again and ground her teeth. He was right. She opened her mouth again but before she could answer, he continued “You know you hurt me when you left and I had to find out from someone else in how much pain you´d been. I felt left out. I actually thought you trusted me. But what do you do? You just go on, until you nearly break apart and then just leave, without telling me once. How do you think that makes me feel?” At this point, she couldn´t challenge his look anymore and looked at some spot behind him instead. Taking a deep breath, she finally replied: “I’m sorry.”

Now it was his turn to raise his eyebrows. “What was that?” “Look, I´m sorry I just left. But how do you think it makes ME feel when I come back and you and our new CEO throw meaningful glances at each other? Do you expect me to congratulate you?” her voice raised slightly, she couldn´t keep her frustration at bay any longer. “Don´t tell me you were jealous.” “Oh, don´t be ridiculous. Why should I be jealous of that blonde bimbo?” Giving her one of his typical "really?" glances he shot back “A) you are jealous and b) she is not a bimbo. She is a very competent woman.” “Well, that´s great for you. I have to go and see that ‘ _very competent woman_ ’ now, if you don´t mind.” and she brushed past him, towards the hospital.

“Blimey Jac, you really are one of the most stubborn women I have ever met,” he said while keeping up her pace. “Honestly, what do you want from me? I am late!” “I simply want that you listen to me and you stop being such a pig-headed numpty.” Stopping her from storming away from him, he grabbed her arm to cease her from walking any further. “Look, I am sorry it all looked wrong. You shouldn´t be jealous, because there is nothing going anymore. Please, just think about it. I´ll be at Albie’s tonight if you want to talk. Okay?” she looked at him, seeing for the first time the Fletch she actually thought she knew, considering for a second, she nodded and left. 


	5. Clash with the CEO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time since coming back to Holby, Jac has a meeting with the new CEO Abigail Tate. As expected Jac and Abigail don´t exactly hit it off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter. I got the idea from next week's clip when Jac returns. How would a meeting between Jac and Abigail go down, with Jac knowing about her and Fletch. I tried to be as close to the characters as I could. I might be reaching with this, but I hope I am not too far off.

She had never been a very diplomatic person, she simply didn´t believe in beating around the bush if you could rip off the band-aid quickly and not always painlessly but efficiently. Well, most people felt attacked or intimidated with this behavior. She bent that rule for nobody. So it wasn´t a big surprise that the meeting with the new CEO was a bit of a disaster.

She did seem competent enough at first until she began to unravel a plan to renew the policies and some organizational/ surgical aspects at Darwin in order to cut costs and make things more efficient since there was a lack of staff. That had the same effect as waving a red rag in front of a bull. She began to think that this woman sitting in front of her, all high and mighty, should better come down her high horse or she´d knock her down. What on earth did Fletch see in her? 

She tried to contain her disdain by clenching her fists so hard that she left marks of her fingernails on the palm of her hands. If she didn´t get out of that meeting soon, she would honestly say something she might regret later - she was her superior after all. So she tried to think of what Sacha would say to keep her from doing something potentially stupid. He always knew the right words. But she came up with absolutely nothing. Instead, Fletch popped up in her head and the look Abigail had given him. She knew it was only casual and she also knew that it had nothing to do with her - beside the fact that this woman had started something with Fletch of all people.

“So, do we have a consensus here?”, Abigail asked, her voice had lost its initial friendly tone and had been replaced by something cooler. The question didn´t sound like one though - more like a statement, where Jac had no say in. Raising an eyebrow she counterattacked: “A consensus? This _‘plan’_ you think will save Darwin, which doesn´t need saving, is absurd. You won’t know since you seem up here in your office and you don´t know anything about running a department. So, no. We do not have a consensus. And now, if you´ll excuse me, I actually have some patients to see.” and with that, she got up from her chair, glad to have found a way to end this.

If Abigail intended to remain CEO for a longer time, Jac really was in for a treat. She got war flashbacks when Guy Self had become CEO and that hadn´t ended very well either. Jac took her bag, walked to the door and was about to open it when Abigail replied “You are aware that I am the CEO. I only have the best interest at heart for this hospital.” “Yes, I am aware and I am the Director of Cardiothoracic Surgery and if this is all you can come up with, then Holby City will be in for some rough times.”Jac looked at the CEO with the iciest look she could muster. Abigail looked back almost the same way Jac did.

She turned back to the door, opening it to get out of this office at last when she heard Abigail once again: “I wonder what he sees in you.”, “Excuse me?” Turning back to her once again, disbelieving of what she had just heard. Jac knew exactly who Abigail was talking about but she hadn´t expected that this personal matter was actually any of her concern, let alone appropriate to mention in a professional meeting - even if it was technically over. No matter if she was the CEO and a very competent woman as Fletch put it, that was way out of line. “Fletch. He praises you to the skies, but I honestly wonder what he sees in you.”, Abigail mused in a faked sweet voice, apparently trying to prevail. “I am wondering the same about you.”, Jac remarked. With that, she left the office.

That woman honestly had some nerve. She was only glad that she had three surgeries planned for today. The thought of that, put things back into perspective and let her push the thought of this terrible meeting to the back of her mind. She had no time to let that woman infiltrate her mind. When she pushed the button to the elevator - she had spent enough time talking as it is - she decided to take Fletch up on that drink at Albies tonight. But she wouldn´t message him. He could suffer a little more. How could he have started something with that witch? With that, her focus went to her day ahead. 


	6. Drinks at Albie's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jac is taking Fletch up on his offer to meet her at Albie's after their shift to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say I struggled with this chapter since I had no idea how a talk between Jac and Fletch would go and how far they would actually talk about their feelings. Plus, soft, vulnerable Jac is difficult to write I think, without going too far. I tried my best. I hope you like it. This might be the end of this story. I am not sure yet.

Her shift was over. Before she was off to Albies, she had face timed Emma to wish her a good night. She didn´t like that the nanny had to put her to bed but there was no way she could do it herself that late. That was one of the perks that came with her job. Now she was standing in front of Albies and her legs just wouldn´t move. She had butterflies and was fidgeting with the lip balm in her pocket. She checked her phone again. It was one minute later than the last time she has checked. She honestly had to get a grip. That wasn´t her. She was not nervous or had butterflies because of a man. She couldn´t remember the last time that had happened. People were coming and going out of the pub and she started feeling stupid for standing around dressed up and nowhere to go. She did have somewhere to go and that door wasn´t two meters away from her. She finally put the lip balm out of her hand, her phone in her back, took another deep breath and muttering “You can do this.” and entered the pub.

It was crowded with people, loud and cozy. She feared she wouldn´t find him or that he had bailed on her after all, but as soon as she had walked into room she saw him. She always saw him first, no matter where he was in a room. It was like a sixth sense. He sat at a table in a corner looking nervous. He hadn´t spotted her yet. He looked positively nervous, he couldn´t keep his leg from wobbling and held his glass of beer a little too tightly. .She walked towards him and that motion made him look up from his glass. She could see agitation being replaced by relief and a tentative smile. “I wasn´t sure if you’d come.” “I wasn´t either.” He motioned for her to sit down next to her. “Thanks.” “What do you want to drink? It´s on me.” “I hope so. I’ll have what you´re having.” she replied while she took off her coat and sat down. “Sure thing, I’ll be back in a second.” He hopped up and scurried to the bar.

She watched Fletch and looked around the bar. It had been a while since she was here last. Before she could ponder over that question even longer, to keep herself occupied, Fletch had come back with her drink already. Clinking their glasses, they both took a sip from their respective drinks. Neither of them seemed to know how to do the first step and actually start a conversation. Jac felt like a fish on dry land. She had never been really good at talking about things, especially not about emotions. In her past emotions were a sign of weakness and she still hadn´t get rid of that altogether. It was still a weakness and she didn´t show weakness, she knew she could do that with Fletch, he had seen her weakness but she couldn´t bring herself to do it. There was so much going on in her head, she didn´t even know where to start.

“I’m glad you came. I really am.” Fletch said, interrupting her thoughts. “You know, I wasn´t sure I wanted to come. But do you know what made me decide to come? Abigail.” She tried not to talk herself into a rage again but she couldn´t keep her exasperation out of her voice. Fletch just looked at her, at a loss for words apparently. “Our little _‘chat’_ took a turn for the worse when she asked me what you see in me.” Now he looked at her surprised. “What? What did you say?” he could barely muster, all colour drained from his face. “That´s none of your business. How can you be with her?” “She is actually quite a nice person.” “Oh come on! I took one look at her and knew that she is an arrogant, narcissistic, narrow-minded, dogmatic woman. “ “Oh come on Jac, wouldn´t you say you´re going a little far with that? She hasn´t had it easy being the new CEO with a lot of the staff missing…” “Fletch, I don´t want you to excuse her. If I wanted that I could go back to her and listen to her telling me how great she is. I want to know what you see in her?” She stared at him now and he wavered under her intense gaze and looked down. He had no answer.

She turned back to her drink. She knew he wouldn´t have an answer to that, so there was no reason to ask any further. The lack of an answer was an answer for her, but she wasn´t sure if she was relieved by it or not. He had basically told her there wasn´t a reason he was with her. “Why?” she almost whispered now. “I don´t know. It just happened,” he answered just as quietly. Tears formed in her eyes and she couldn't hold them back completely. Her weakness had regained control over her nevertheless. She avoided his gaze and looked at the spot where her glass had stood before and where a stain had formed. She couldn´t look at him now, she couldn´t if she didn´t want to lose control altogether. She wanted to stay in control, especially in a room full of people. Especially when sitting next to him. She couldn´t let that happen. So she stared at the stain instead, fighting her tears back where they came from.

But he had noticed. Of course he had. He knew her and at this moment she cursed herself for letting down her walls. If she hadn´t done that, she wouldn´t be in such a mess. She would be at home with Emma. She wouldn´t be sitting heartbroken in a pub with the man who broke her heart in the first place. She felt his hand on hers and the warmth of it steeped through her like fire. He looked at her tenderly and muttered in a low voice “I am sorry, it shouldn´t have happened in the first place. I never wanted to hurt you.” She only managed a nod, she was about to lose herself and she couldn´t do it. She had to leave, she couldn´t keep control over feelings or her body.

“I need to go.” she managed to reply, got up, grabbed her coat and wanted to leave the pub. “Wait!” She heard him call after her but she couldn´t wait. She had to get out of there. After weaving through the crowd of people that were laughing and talking loudly, she finally arrived outside. The night air felt cool against her hot skin and her tears that were now rolling down her face. She had lost the battle the moment she exited the pub. Quietly she slipped into her coat and started to make her way to her car. Wiping her tears away angrily, she was glad for the quietness of the night. It calmed her confused mind. Breathing deeply in order to calm herself down, she heard him call after her asking her to wait. Like last time she didn´t. Only this time, he didn´t give her her space, but ran up to her grabbing her wrist to make her stop from walking any further.

He now stood in front of her, she felt his look burn her but she couldn´t look up to him. She didn´t want him to see what he was capable of. He had reduced her to a bundle of tears. She had sworn to never let that happen again. And here she was. “Jac, look at me.” she heard him whisper. She still didn´t. “Jac. I am so sorry. I didn´t think. I missed you the second you were gone. I was miserable and lonely and she was there and it happened. But it shouldn´t have. Please forgive me.” she felt his fingers brush against her cheek and she finally looked up. The sincerity in his eyes shot right to her heart. The only thing that existed was him and that look that was so pained and yet so sincere that she couldn´t pretend not to cry anymore and she let her tears fall freely.

She couldn´t suppress a sob and he closed his arms around her. He was warm and still smelled like Albie’s and cologne. She felt as if her body had a life of its own when her arms held him tight, her hands clung onto his coat and her eyes closed. She felt him letting out a breath of relief. She soaked his coat. All the hurt and all the anger seemed to flow out of her with her tears. She had no idea how long they stood there on the parking lot, it seemed like an eternity to her, then slowly released her from the embrace, took her face in his hands and caressed her tenderly, wiping the remaining tears away. How did he do that? How could he always make her feel safe and as if everything was okay, even when it wasn´t okay in the slightest. He was Fletch and she was in love with him, she couldn´t deny it any longer. And then his lips were on hers and the world stood still. It was the softest and most tender of kisses and in that moment she knew somehow it would all work out. He was Fletch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially I planned on maybe continuing this fanfic but I didn´t get around to it up till now and so much has happened in the meantime that I think I might just leave it at that. It does have the ending we all hope for. :)


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